August 06, 2008
Thank God For The BBC Licence Fee
Does your dog yawn when you do? Have you managed to catch this habit on camera? Are you and your pet alike? Send us your pictures of you and your yawning dogs.
- quote from BBC News Online
Some doubters suggest that the BBC ought to be funded by voluntary subscription, rather than by a monopoly tax enforceable by the threat of jail. But can you really trust the market to keep you informed of Dog Yawn Science? I think not.
Such 'market failure' is unacceptable and demonstrates why we must be willing to jail selfish poor single mothers who laughingly believe that food, clothing and shelter would be better uses of their limited funds than would media production subsidies. Jail them, I say. Jail them all.
December 17, 2007
$50 To Reduce World Poverty, For Free
Forget about signing petitions. Forget about 'awareness raising' wrist bands. Forget about Live 8.
The solution to world poverty isn't going to come from top-down government aid. It's going to come from bottom-up micro-credit.
"What's micro-credit?", you ask. It is where small loans are paid to poor individuals and entrepreneurs who lack the security necessary to get ordinary bank loans. Here's an example...
Aquilina lives in Peru. When her husband died, she was left alone to bring up her young children on her own. She supports her children and grandchildren by taking in laundry. She wants a loan of $350 to pay for a washing machine, in order to reduce the physical effort and to open up a small laundrette.
Aquilina will get her washing machine, I'm happy to say, thanks to micro-credit arranged by KIVA.ORG.
[Update 30/06/2008: She's paid back the loan in full, on time.]
There are many more people, in similarly poor circumstances, in need of your help.
So, let me make you an offer. I will send the first ten people who sign up to Kiva.org, and lend at least $25 via it, a $50 Kiva gift certificate. All you need to do is submit a comment to this post, with the URL of your Kiva lender page and the email address to which you want the gift certificate sent.
It's your move.
August 26, 2007
Fox News's Dirty Little Secret
At 3am, when all its conservative viewers have gone to bed, American centre-right news channel Fox News gives the air over to a show produced by cynical mentally-deranged drunken teenagers. Or, so it appears.
Red Eye w/ Greg Gutfeld revels in its shameless focus on the irrelevant. It asks the questions no-one else dares to (or cares to). Questions such as "Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan - who'll die first?" and "Are David Beckham and Justin Timberlake the new targets of terrorists?"
NewsHounds (a site where humorless unemployed Democrats feed their persecution complex) describes the show as ..
"An offensive, stomach-turning pastiche of sewer humor.... the cesspool of ... smut and snark."
"the worst show ever!"
You have been warned! Only morally degenerate UK residents will be setting their Sky+ boxes to record the Fox News Channel, Sky channel 510, at 8am on seemingly random days of the week.
You will also wish to avoid visiting the archive of monologues in which Gutfeld parodies the commentary provided by other Fox News anchors at the start of their shows. He explains why George Bush should convert to Islam to get an uncritical press from the BBC, and how McDonald's value menu is the key to solving world hunger.
I love the show. Watching it is at first a bit of a culture shock. First you think
"I can't believe he just said that"
"I can't believe this is on a major news channel"
"I can't believe this show is still on the air"
"I can't believe there hasn't been a letter-writing campaign from outraged Christian Republicans demanding that this be cancelled."
Fox News commissioned the show, and got the show they wanted. But then Red Eye changed. It became darker, odder, dirtier and riskier. The black sheep in the Fox News Channel family, hidden away at 3am.
In many ways, Fox News have accidentally created a post-modern news show.
The latest Hollywood stumblings aren't reported with fake concern, but with derision and open admissions of schadenfreude.
When reporting Scientific surveys, the host openly admits he doesn't give a damn about their scientific validity, merely their entertainment value. He changes the topic when he gets bored.
In place of a bland vanilla-esque host, there's Gutfeld, a flawed human. When was the last time you saw a TV news presenter admit to getting drunk? Or smoking pot? Or failing to pick up women? Gutfeld admits that he's short, ugly and that having "completely stopped exercising" he's developed "tits. Fucking tits".
He admits that he's surprised that the show hasn't been axed, and that every morning when he comes into work, he half expects to find his Fox News pass deactivated. When the show was moved from 2am to 3am he quipped "I have every reason to cry, people."
Update 2008-04-07: Alas, some humorless pathetic losers have succeeded in pressuring Fox News to drop Red Eye in favor of something bland (at least when it comes to international syndication). For UK residents, The War on Strippers has been replaced by the War on Terror. And without Red Eye, there will be no more broadcasting of videos of dancing midgets impersonating Hillary Clinton. Thank God I had the foresight to set up a Hillary Clinton impersonator dancing midget video stash while I still had the chance!
Update 2008-04-10: It's back, following internal lobbying!
January 01, 2007
Warning! Here's What Happens If You Cross Darth Vader...
... with a plastic duck:
Yes, it's Duck Fader!
God, I love capitalism! You'd never get something like this in a planned economy.
December 24, 2006
Above, Leona Lewis, the winner of Britain's 'American Idol', turns a god-awful song into a vocal tour de force.
As an added bonus, here's her surprise duet with top-selling British boy-band Take That:
[Credit: Perez Hilton c/o YouTube c/o SkippyTV c/o ITV c/o Talkback Thames.]
July 02, 2006
How To Create a PC That Looks Like an Atom Bomb
June 04, 2006
Man Sells Date With Sister On Ebay
May 22, 2006
Pick Your Sliver Well
May 21, 2006
The Winners Of Eurovision
April 15, 2006
Julio Iglesia's Been Turned Into A Penguin
Watch Trailer 2.
No, you haven't been drinking. That is Robin Williams, performing My Way in Spanish, as the voice of a dancing penguin. The movie Happy Feet opens in November 2006
[Hat-tip: Troy Angrignon]