Sandra Howard, that is. The British Conservative Party's Leader's Wife has a blog:
On alcohol:
"There's nothing [Michael] likes better than a Spitfire in the King's Head in Hythe"
On signing Labour's petition against NHS user charges:
"the thought of signing Labour's health petition with a two-fingers flourish – brings Michael out in broad smiles."
On selective editing by the media:
"In Hythe High Street Michael shakes fifty or so receptive hands; television cameras with those gangly furry mikes attached watch over him like big brother. He meets one lone dissenter – it's the frame Channel Four use."
Battle-Bus Gossip:
"On the coach
ride there [BBC News Chief Political Editor] Andrew Marr is engagingly indiscreet about a top politician."
Politicians Kissing Babies:
"Good walkabout in Torquay; Michael is having luck with his High Street
babies, benign beams, gurgles, an army of well-wishing 0-3-year-olds –
pity about the age group." [They're too young to vote]
After a stump speech:
"The cheerful heckler wishes [Michael] a happy retirement, cheeky bugger."
The Pope's Funeral:
"The press seize on the clasped hands of Prince Charles and Mugabe but I
hear later that T Blair and M Howard who were seated close together had
had an awkward, 'peace be with you' handshake with each other. It was
unseen by the cameras, a missed photograph fit for the front page."
Embarrassment on the Campaign Trail:
"To Tooting and St. Georges Hospital where Michael is filmed with twelve
scrubbed spotless and good-looking matrons – ITN's Nick Robinson yells
out, 'are you all voting Conservative?' Shy looks all round"
Bad Hair Days:
"Back to Campaign Headquarters where Susie in Michael's office tells me my hair looked a mess on television. We agree it's time for action. I have heard on the grapevine that a certain other leader's wife has booked arguably the best and certainly the priciest hairdresser in town for the entire campaigning month ahead; I reckon that gives me some good leverage..."
"Sadly my own hairdresser doesn't go a bundle on the idea of home visits at dawn and tells me I'd faint away at his out-of-hours charges."
Michael Howard and Pretty girls:
"the Sunday Express journalist with us has drawn the only vegi-tray,
which she selflessly presses on Michael – he doesn't refuse a pretty
girl."
The sudden disappearance of the Labour activists dressed in Banana suits:
"There, Labour's men dressed as bananas are strangely absent – they've
been hounding Michael ever since he said that if his spending plans
were 'cuts' he was a banana! We twig that the banana men have been
quickly withdrawn because of Labour's Birmingham postal vote scandal.
The judge in his scathing condemnation called it 'an electoral fraud
that would disgrace a banana republic.' Suddenly, it seems, Labour want
to steer very clear of bananas. We consider sending our own banana men
after Mr. Blair."
[via Times Election Log]
Good news, Comrade! Thanks to the unique way it's funded, the BBC gives Conservative supporters the chance to fund attacks on Michael Howard. Or face jail, for license fee avoidance.
Wouldn't you like to be a published author? Well now anyone can be. Within a week.